i said what i meant and i meant what i said

pre·mo·ni·tion [pree-muh-nish-uhn]

a feeling of anticipation of or anxiety over a future event; a forewarning.

I am neither a paranormal nor psychics, but sometimes I can foresee the future. At least that’s what I thought. Well mostly these events are related to me. It comes in a form of massive feelings that this is going to happen. Then voila! It happened.

Lately these premonitions have been something that I’ve been trying to avoid, I don’t give a fuck; at first. But then, those things actually become a reality. It hit me, but in the end I have to face it whether I like it or not. It sucks, big time. But life goes on and I have to move forward. Easy to say, but it is so f-ing hard to do. Darn it!

It keeps breaking my heart and most of the time; it leaves me with a big question mark. Is this the way it supposed to be? Why did I do those things? Am I making a huge mistake? Why this, why that, and the ‘if only’ thoughts come bursting into my head. And I know it’s too late for me to change some of those.

I should have been a careless cold hearted bitch right from the start, but too many considerations made me incapable to decide what I want. And still I don’t know what I want. (doh!)

If only (nah, there it goes), I made the right decisions and put aside every considerations, things probably would have been a lot lot better.

But then again, I would never ever want to go back to the past just to make things better. Shit happens. But I love what I am right now. Things that I achieved, things I’ve lost. In so many ways, these premonitions (which sometimes I never thought It would happen, then it is happened), have made me a stronger person. It shapes my point of view about what life may bring or what kind of future may become.

I believe if I keep on doing what I believe in the right dosage of consideration, I may become a better person. I am happy with all this miseries (it is a bit contradictive, I know).

I love what I am. What I am about to be.

And premonitions are just premonitions. It’s just a warning sign, whether you put it as a consideration to think and walk on the right path, or take risks by leaving it behind just to experience more surprises in life.

I know you know what I meant to say..

Embrace your life.