Wanderlust.

Do I need to explain more? Probably yes. I want more sunny day on a clear blue sky, while lying down on a white sand beach – enjoying the time of my life when there’s nothing to be worried about (except running out of booze), far away from the city’s hustle and bustle.

 

*sigh*

Olo

The mood for blogging starts to kick in. Unfortunately, I have piles of things to be done by the end of the day.

*grumblegrumble*

“exclusively-unexclusive..

..relationship is what I aim for.”

#shesaid

 

AK!

Remuk redam, luluh lantak.

Jiwa raga tersentak. Nampaknya setiap wajah yang ditemui ingin kubentak. Hanya untuk melampiaskan kegilaan yang kian lama kian membludak. Aku membenci diriku sendiri yang ternyata hanya bisa diam tak bergerak.

Terjebak. Kembali kepada ingatan-ingatan yang tidak seharusnya datang dan menyeruak.

Andai saja ingatan yang tidak perlu, dapat dibuang secara otomatis dari benak. Karena sesungguhnya aku murka dan muak. Kepada penyesalan akan kenyataan yang seringkali tidak berpihak.

Turning Tables

Been listening to this song over and over again..

Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we’re fighting for
All that I say, you always say more

I can’t keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can’t breathe

So I won’t let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won’t ask you, you to just desert me
I can’t give you, what you think you give me
It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Under haunted skies I see you, ooh
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down

I can’t keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can’t breathe

So I won’t let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won’t ask you, you to just desert me
I can’t give you, what you think you give me
It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables
Turning tables

Next time I’ll be braver
I’ll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I’ll be braver
I’ll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

I won’t let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won’t ask you, you to just desert me
I can’t give you, what you think you give me
It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables
Turning tables, yeah
Turning ohh

 

Turning Tables by Adele

pre.mo.ni.tion

pre·mo·ni·tion [pree-muh-nish-uhn]

a feeling of anticipation of or anxiety over a future event; a forewarning.

 

I am neither a paranormal nor psychics, but sometimes I can foresee the future. At least that’s what I thought. Well mostly these events are related to me. It comes in a form of massive feelings that this is going to happen. Then voila! It happened.

Lately these premonitions have been something that I’ve been trying to avoid, I don’t give a fuck; at first. But then, those things actually become a reality. It hit me, but in the end I have to face it whether I like it or not. It sucks, big time. But life goes on and I have to move forward. Easy to say, but it is so f-ing hard to do. Darn it!

It keeps breaking my heart and most of the time; it leaves me with a big question mark. Is this the way it supposed to be? Why did I do those things? Am I making a huge mistake? Why this, why that, and the ‘if only’ thoughts come bursting into my head. And I know it’s too late for me to change some of those.

I should have been a careless cold hearted bitch right from the start, but too many considerations made me incapable to decide what I want. And still I don’t know what I want. (doh!)

If only (nah, there it goes), I made the right decisions and put aside every considerations, things probably would have been a lot lot better.

But then again, I would never ever want to go back to the past just to make things better. Shit happens. But I love what I am right now. Things that I achieved, things I’ve lost. In so many ways, these premonitions (which sometimes I never thought It would happen, then it is happened), have made me a stronger person. It shapes my point of view about what life may bring or what kind of future may become.

I believe if I keep on doing what I believe in the right dosage of consideration, I may become a better person. I am happy with all this miseries (it is a bit contradictive, I know).

I love what I am. What I am about to be.

And premonitions are just premonitions. It’s just a warning sign, whether you put it as a consideration to think and walk on the right path, or take risks by leaving it behind just to experience more surprises in life.

 

I know you know what I meant to say..

Embrace your life.

 

 

Hero to Zero

Kembali ke titik awal di mana semuanya bermula. Entah saya yang menyalahi emosi atau kamu yang tidak puas bertanya-tanya. Dan ketika saya mengatakan bahwa “words are explosive”, kamu bagai membakar mesiu dan meledakkan kepala saya dengan pinangan kata-kata. Kalau kamu bilang “semuanya terserah kamu”, itu adalah bohong. Karena keputusannya tidak pernah ada pada saya, melainkan selalu ada pada kamu.

Dan kembali saya terombang-ambing dalam puing-puing perasaan yang nyaris karam. Berharap kalau suatu saat kamu benar akan menyelamatkan saya..